Well you don't get over one thing when another hits. Now I am suffering from an attack of gout. This really sucks, since it is considered an "old man's" disease. Let me tell you it is no fun. I am limping along like a gimp here and it freaking hurts. Well nothing else exciting going on.

We are starting the final countdown until Eggy's arrival. It will be one month on Sunday until her due date. Pretty weird. We think we are prepared, but I know that is never possible.

Well I haven't written anything for a while. Fortunately, nobody reads this, so I can come and go as I please. The last couple of months have been sort of up and down for me. My wife's pregnancy is going along really well. As the day approaches, we both are getting tense and excited. I know this will change my life, but how? Is it just the time I will spend with her? Will it be some sort of total life black hole; sucking and draining. Allowing nothing to escape?
Anyway the joy of Eggy's growth is like a streak of red painted against the black gessoed canvas of my father's death and what is happening here in Israel.

My Mom sent me a folder full of badly typed pages. They are yellowed with age and my guess is that the date to the time when my father was doing his residency (internship) in Baltimore. That would put the time around 1952 -55 something like that. He would have been what? 30. Five years younger than I am right now. I read these essays and I get a glimpse of a man I never knew. My father always seemed to be such the stoic. Then I read these fragile pieces of his mind. I had no idea my father even like ballet, and now I read his ecstatic praise for specific dancers. His ideas about Israel and Judaism and other things. I never even knew he had such ideas. I feel like I missed my opportunity. I never even had a chance to sit an hear him, to fight with him to discuss all of this. I never knew how afraid he was. Never knew how many fears we shared. How we were sad in the same way. Did he hear himself when I feared that I would never find love. Did he see himself in the fat, clumsy son he had. Was he afraid for me. Sad foe me. I don't know. I"LL NEVER KNOW! He said that he never accomplished anything. Well he did. He accomplished me and my brothers. And now that I am going to be a father, I need him. He'll never hold Eggy, my daughter, his granddaughter. Ok that's enough for now.